Think, Write, Speak: The Lost the Art of Dialogue
I stand resolved. My students spoke these words to open their arguments at debate tournaments. Each student would take a stance on a topic, researching thoroughly to argue for and against an issue. While teaching, I introduced my students to the Latin term ad hominem, (ad) meaning “to” and (homo) meaning “human being”. This term refers to arguments directed against a person instead of arguments attacking the issue. Personal attacks about the person in my debate class were not allowed. The goal of communicating the value of a genuine debate to my students became a priority.
We Can Respectfully Agree and Disagree
Harsh criticism is dispersed in the media, in meetings, among government leaders, and in families. It is no wonder we’ve lost the civility to dialogue. These personal attacks give insight into a person’s character and motives. The culture has heightened its voice to insert itself into our personal spaces. We end up barking out what we feel. It’s overwhelming. The challenge, especially for believers in Christ, is to move ourselves from harsh attacks toward the person. We must check our emotions, and yield to the Holy Spirit by practicing kind responses. We can choose to disagree without demoralizing one another.
The art of dialogue requires respectful disagreement. It benefits us to find common ground, listen without judgment, and stay in the conversation when differences arise. It’s okay to disagree or have a different perspective. Civil dialogue requires us to think critically, write reflectively, and speak eloquently. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18 NIV).
Think Critically
Humans have more than 6,000 thoughts per day. Our brains are on overload and sometimes only stop when we are sleeping. The natural rhythm of thinking precedes writing because thinking provides the foundation of our actions and behaviors. Our minds constantly sift through, categorize, and make sense of our thoughts.
We naturally think about a task or project that comes to mind. We think through ideas whether they are family reunions, travel plans, wedding plans, or retirement. “Wise people think before they act” (Proverbs 13:16 NLT).
Thinking critically before writing lays a foundation for our beliefs. Sitting with ideas can lead to insights and creative ways to face challenges. A well-thought-out plan often fosters better communication.
Write Reflectively
Reflective writing refines unspoken thoughts into meaningful words. I instructed my students to write arguments in support of or against their debate resolution. This helped them frame clear arguments and give sound responses. Writing also redefined their passion and guided their focus on the issue rather than their opponent’s tone and out-of-control gestures. If you experience conflict with someone, writing your thoughts prepares, clarifies, and evaluates them to meet challenging conversations.
4 Reasons to Write Down Thoughts Before Engaging in Difficult Conversations
- Prepares for meaningful engagement of ideas.
- Eases tension and clarifies issues.
- Slows potential outbursts fueled by anger.
- Reigns in unintentional words.
Writing before you speak checks your emotions at the pen and paper door. It helps you remove any harsh words you want to say to those with whom you disagree.
Speak Eloquently
Because we live in community with one another, what we say and how we say it matters. As believers in Christ, when we converse with one another, we reflect God’s character. Do you speak to others with a wise heart, and good judgment when persuading others? Or do you demand your way? Being wise and considerate in your speech often builds trust, creating a safe space for others to share openly. This can happen even when opinions differ. The temptation to react out of frustration allows our emotions to deter us from a calm conversational atmosphere. This is why referring to written notes in a tense conversation is helpful.
My former debate students would engage in cross-examination with their opponents. Their speech in this intense exchange depended on their well-thought-out questions written before the debate. In a debate round, it’s necessary to write questions and answers when entering the often tense cross-ex from an opponent. Academic debates are frequently won on skilled cross-examinations that expose weaknesses in opponent’s arguments. Preparing beforehand to speak is wise. “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips” (Proverbs 16:223 ESV).
As we gather at our Thanksgiving tables, gratitude and differing opinions often collide. We swallow the delicious meal and tolerate the loudest opinion. While the topic probably won’t be “coffee vs. tea,” it’s inevitable that something controversial will sneak into the conversation.
Topics to Discuss at the Thanksgiving Meal
Gratitude: This classic conversion of everyone sharing what they are thankful for can open the door from awkward silences to heartfelt connections.
Thanksgiving Food Conversations: Who likes cranberry sauce? What is your favorite Thanksgiving dessert? If you were a side dish which would you be? Why?
Questions to ask: What is one thing you accomplished this year? If you could invite any two people to the Thanksgiving table, who would they be?
Do you value genuine discourse rather than being right? Do you take moments to write out your thoughts and ideas before engaging in tense conversations? Disagreements continue to make their way into our lives. It’s important to stay grounded amid all the noise that invades our spaces. Take time to think about what you want to say, write it down, and speak about it.
